Each Day

Every day starts with a migraine.

Never mind what plans I had the night before. The walk I was going to go on, the jobs I was going to apply for, or the meal I was going to cook. Or even the beading projects I was going to work on.

Inevitably I wake up in pain. Small or large. If small, it will eventually grow into large.

If I’m smart I’ll take a migraine pill, like an Imigran or a Maxalt. These take care of the migraine, but leave me feeling washed out and exhausted for the day ahead. There go the plans.

If I’m not smart, I’ll take a painkiller, especially if I think it’s only a headache. This only seems to make me tired and does nothing for the pain.

Either way, I sometimes go back to sleep for two more hours. Or three.

Wake up exhausted. Sometimes pain-free, sometimes in more pain, if I didn’t take the correct pill.

My day is looking like shit. Nothing gets done.

It didn’t used to be like this. Work gave me purpose. I woke up early, I got through my morning routine, I went to work, at home or at the office, sometimes I developed a headache, but nowhere near as bad or as often as now.

I was about to see a neurologist to review my migraine treatment plan when I lost my job. Now I can’t afford the $450 a pop to see him, never mind the actual treatment. Only the rich can afford to be unwell in this country. It’s getting to be as bad as the US. Except there the costs would be in the thousands.

So, my days are not very productive. I am constantly exhausted. The boys and I share the cooking. I don’t exercise. I shower every couple of days. I survive as best I can. I am also severely depressed. Also can’t afford to see a psychiatrist, even if I could find one with capacity, to review my treatment plan. I’ve considered ketamine treatment, but that’s only available for inpatients at private psych hospitals and I certainly can’t afford private health insurance.

I do see a psychologist, thanks to the NDIS and that helps to keep me moving onwards and through, but I need more. I need a complete reset.

I’m alive and that’s a win. That’s the best I can do for now.

Originally published at A blog of her own.