Silver linings
I’m sitting here staring at the wall and my cluttered desk, trying to figure out what to do next. The incessant monologue in my head telling me I should be writing more job applications or beading, anything to be PRODUCTIVE.
The truth is, I am exhausted. Constantly exhausted. No matter how much I sleep, I wake up exhausted and with a migraine. I take a migraine defeating pill and it makes me feel even more exhausted. It’s a miracle I manage to get out of bed and dressed every day, not to mention showered every other day. I certainly wish I didn’t have to. Which I don’t, really. Except for some remnant of self-discpline and the fact that I live with my mother now and I don’t wish for her to think of me as a complete sloth.
I lost my job back in July and despite many applications and a few interviews, I wasn’t able to get another one. As a result, I could no longer afford to pay the rent on our house, so we moved in with my mum in Melbourne. It is not the best of situations, but it beats living in the car, or under a bridge. Now, I pay a fortune for my belongings to be safe and dry in storage while we are living cramped in three bedroom house that is not meant for four adults. But, silver linings.
I am so much closer to so many things now. All my beady things. Bead shops, craft shops, beady meet-up places and some beady friends. And a lot of things are within walking distance, like the chemist, the post office, the mailbox and the doctor. There is easy access to an excellent market for fresh produce.
Things could be worse.
But I feel defeated. And burnt out. I’ve applied for two or three jobs since I’ve been here. I’ve had one interview. One phone call which didn’t lead to an interview. I’ve contemplated restarting my business, but the effort required to market it is beyond me, I think. I wish I could sell enough jewellery to support myself, but again, the marketing effort is beyond me. I just don’t know what to do. I have skills, but nobody seems to want them. I feel like I’m unemployable.
People don’t seem to recommend each other as much these days like they used to. There is so many others to compete with. There are a million website developers and copywriters and jewellery makers. Why should they buy from me? Just because they know me? Yes!
Like I said, I don’t know how to market myself. Even when I was working for myself full time and spent so much time networking and marketing I couldn’t make a proper wage, so there is clearly a deficiency there. Either in my message or in my method. What is my message? Is Dorothy, is good! Not quite so catchy, is it?
Anyway, if you’d like to support me, here are my two businesses. Even if you have no need for them personally, please share them with your friends. Kate Sparkles is my handmade jewellery store and dorothy k is for websites and words. Check them out!
I also accept free marketing advice, unless you’re going to tell me I need to understand my customer and their pain points. I need to know where and how. Not the what.
I am so burnt out that I spend most of my time staring at my phone, playing games or watching YouTube. I try to bead, starting a million new projects, thanks ADHD, and finishing some, I go to beady meet-ups and run everyday errands as needed. I really should be in a psych ward getting intense therapy, or in a sanatorium if they still existed. I’m trying to learn how to nap. I’m looking at starting yoga again. I want to walk more, but everything feels too hard. My brain feels fuzzy a lot of the time. I don’t know what’s real and what I dreamt about or imagined.
I don’t know whether a job would help or hinder at this point. It would probably give me focus and structure, and money of course. It would make me even more exhausted, but I coped with that before and will again when the time comes. But every job I look at feels like slavery. Working for myself feels like freedom, but I don’t know how to make it work. If you do, please help me!
It’s time to go stare at my phone again. Please buy some jewellery or a website. Or maybe some words. Or ask your friends to. Thanks!
Originally published at A blog of her own.
